It’s My Fit­ness Pro­gram

Fe­male co-work­er: Yeah, these bruis­es on my legs? I wish I could say they were from S&M. Ac­tu­al­ly, I was just drunk­en­ly stum­bling around.

33 New Mont­gomery Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: McN

Let’s Go Rob an Ann Tay­lor First

Ghet­to chick: Girl, I don’t want to rob a gro­cery store lookin’ like this.

Mc­Dade’s
Jack­son, Mis­sis­sip­pi

God­less Lib­er­al Paci­fists That They Are

Of­fice girl #1 while watch­ing the pa­tri­ots vs colts game: Who are you root­ing for?
Of­fice girl #2: New Eng­land.
Of­fice girl #1: Hey, where is New Eng­land, any­way?
Of­fice girl #2: Um­mm, it’s a re­gion up North.
Of­fice girl #1: Oh, I knew it was in Cana­da some­where!

Wood­bridge, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Sara

Put a Nice Pot­ted Plant on It?

Fash­ion de­sign­er girl #1: I re­al­ly want a book­shelf, but I don’t have any books.
Fash­ion de­sign­er girl #2: Maybe you could get a short one and paint it white.

8360 Mel­rose Av­enue
West Hol­ly­wood, Cal­i­for­nia

And What Is That Bright Ob­ject in the Sky?

Pale girl: Look at these freck­les on the back of my hand. Oh, my — what is this dark ring?!
Smok­er: That’s called a tan.

130 East Ran­dolph Street
Chica­go, Illi­nois

My Eyes Shut Off If I Ex­ceed My Quo­ta

Man: Is that a re­al rug­by shirt or one of those trendy fake ones?
Woman: It’s a trendy one. It’s Ralph Lau­ren. Can’t you read the r. F.I. C.?
Man: Well I did­n’t want to stare… I stare enough al­ready!

George­town, Ken­tucky

Oh, Sor­ry, the Thinga­ma­jig Was Fubarred By the Whatz­it and Cor­rupt­ed Your Jim­my­jam

Tech guy: Yeah, so I tried to open the file, and it said some­thing, some­thing, file can’t open, some­thing.
Client ser­vices girl: Gee, thanks, tech.

1619 Broad­way
New York, New York

PE­TA May Have Gone Too Far This Time

Bim­bette cowork­er: They’re gonna skin your moth­er-in-law and give it to a ze­bra!

860 Broad­way
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

2PM Wait­ing Room

Girl #1: I use the pull and pray method.
Girl #2: Girl, pull and pray…they nev­er do it. It does­n’t work.
Girl #1: Yes it does! It just does­n’t work nine­ty per­cent of the time.

45 Broad­way
New York, New York

Over­heard by: not dat­ing ei­ther of them

No, That Kind Re­al­ly Sucks

20-some­thing chick #1: Yeah, can I get a ham and cheese sand­wich on fel­la­tio bread.
20-some­thing chick #2: Um­mm, I think it’s called ‘fo­cac­cia’ bread…

Lafayette, In­di­ana