If You Get One of These, Just Regift It

Guy: That’s because you broke it!
Hot blonde: I know, I totally put it in the wrong hole.
Guy: You should be more careful.
Hot blonde: I added more liquid, but I get no smoke.
Guy: Did you make sure to re-insert the thingie?

80 Grasslands Avenue
Elmsford, New York

Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief

Now I Just Work, Go Home, and Cry Myself to Sleep

Girl: I gave up dick for lent.

Jericho, New York

Time to Prepare for That Eventuality

Teen girl: If I don’t get an A on this English test I’m going to be even screwed-er.

High school
Sterling, Virginia

Overheard by: The Mean Teacher

Godless Liberal Pacifists That They Are

Office girl #1 while watching the patriots vs colts game: Who are you rooting for?
Office girl #2: New England.
Office girl #1: Hey, where is New England, anyway?
Office girl #2: Ummm, it’s a region up North.
Office girl #1: Oh, I knew it was in Canada somewhere!

Woodbridge, Virginia

Overheard by: Sara

Well, At That Point a Small Night Demon Gets Onto a Treadmill Under the Hood…

Dude: If you really want to save money on gas then you should get a hybrid car.
Chick: Hybrid? Does that mean it runs on electricity?
Dude: Uh…yeah
Chick: Well what happens when the sun goes down?

317 West Main Cross Street
Findlay, Ohio

Overheard by: Crut

In My Defense, I Also Talk about Sex All Day Long

Chick: Dude, you’re such a poser. You talk about food all day long and then go home and eat salad. You’re not a real fatty like me. Talk to me when you join the club.

500 West 4th Street
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

It’s My Fitness Program

Female co-worker: Yeah, these bruises on my legs? I wish I could say they were from S&M. Actually, I was just drunkenly stumbling around.

33 New Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McN

Let’s Go Rob an Ann Taylor First

Ghetto chick: Girl, I don’t want to rob a grocery store lookin’ like this.

McDade’s
Jackson, Mississippi

Put a Nice Potted Plant on It?

Fashion designer girl #1: I really want a bookshelf, but I don’t have any books.
Fashion designer girl #2: Maybe you could get a short one and paint it white.

8360 Melrose Avenue
West Hollywood, California

And What Is That Bright Object in the Sky?

Pale girl: Look at these freckles on the back of my hand. Oh, my — what is this dark ring?!
Smoker: That’s called a tan.

130 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois