Archive for the ‘Arts’ Category

Can’t Wait ‘Til He Puts on the Darth Vad­er Mask and Tells the Ba­by He’s Her Fa­ther

Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I did­n’t know you were back from ma­ter­ni­ty leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yes­ter­day.
Woman #1: I saw the pic­tures you emailed. She’s adorable. I re­mem­ber you were wor­ried about la­bor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, ac­tu­al­ly. Kind of what I ex­pect­ed. Al­though I punched my hus­band and threat­ened di­vorce dur­ing the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you se­ri­ous? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my con­trac­tions were about two min­utes apart, he got ner­vous and at­tempt­ed to dis­tract me. So he kept mak­ing that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those ro­bot things made in Re­venge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talk­ing about. What a jerk! That’s so fun­ny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stom­ach and called him a bas­tard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were get­ting a di­vorce. Poor guy would­n’t even talk to the nurs­es af­ter that.

777 Eisen­how­er Park­way
Ann Ar­bor, Michi­gan

But He Is My Son

Of­fice man­ag­er: He kin­da looks like a Nin­ja Tur­tle.
Re­cep­tion­ist: What?
Of­fice man­ag­er: A Nin­ja Tur­tle. Don’t you see it?
Re­cep­tion­ist: Um­mm…
Of­fice man­ag­er: You know, a Teenage Mu­tant Nin­ja Tur­tle.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Oh, that kind of Nin­ja Tur­tle… I don’t see it.

2661 Ri­va Road
An­napo­lis, Mary­land

Over­heard by: aoK

Lift­ing, Puk­ing, and Shoot­ing: The Lloyd Roid Sto­ry

De­sign­er: I can’t find a pho­to to rep­re­sent per­son­al train­ers. The on­ly stock im­ages we have are too creepy. Look kind of like an af­ter-school spe­cial.
Writer: Like a mo­lest­ing-kids af­ter-school spe­cial? Or the kind about bu­lim­ia?
De­sign­er: A cross be­tween those and the ones about steroids.
Cre­ative di­rec­tor: Oh. That sounds OK. Use what­ev­er you guys have.

16340 North Scotts­dale Road
Scotts­dale, Ari­zona