Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

And They All Sound Like Chris Rock!

Office peon #1: Last night I had a dream about being attacked by a donkey.
Office peon #2: Oh, I know what your mean: zebras are my Freddy Krueger.
Office peon #1: I know, right? Because they don't even sound like regular fucking horses.
Office peon #2: And they're camouflaged like lightning!

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Best Nature Documentary EVER!

You Can Pool Your Ignorance, but It Never Turns Into Milk

Male: No, I'm sure it said “buffalo mozzarella.”
Female #1: Well, I know mozzarella is made from cow's milk.
Male: Maybe it's from Buffalo, NY.
Female #1: Is that where mozzarella is from?
Male: Maybe.
Female #2: Is goat cheese made from goats?
Waitress: No, usually from the milk.

Seattle, Washington

Ironically, This Is a Drug Transaction

Client: Sorry I didn't call you yesterday, I had to chase my 25-pound dog for 40 blocks.
Sales rep: Oh yeah? What kind of dog?
Client: Apparently a Mexican one, if he can't understand when I tell him to stop.
Sales rep: That just means he pretends not to speak English so he doesn't have to listen to you.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Clarissa StTacocrotch