Rus­sell Brand Ru­ined It for Every­one

Of­fice la­dy: I am not hav­ing a good hump­day. Stu­pid hump­day!

Malvern, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: No­tAt­Work?

In This Firm, Mar­ried Is Not the New Sin­gle

Fe­male cowork­er #1: Wow, is that guy old?
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Yeah.
Fe­male cowork­er #1: I was won­der­ing, since you were writ­ing his will. He seemed all “gr­rrrrrr“ ‘!
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Yeah… He’s mar­ried.

Uti­ca, New York

Over­heard by: In­ter­net Meme

Wan­na Bor­row the Kneepads in My Desk?

Own­er: Have you pro­posed to her yet? When are you gonna pro­pose to that girl? You’re not get­ting a bonus, a raise, or a re­view un­til you get down on your knees.
Em­ploy­ee: (smirks)
Own­er: For her!

Rogers, Arkansas

Fire Pre­ven­tion Week Is a Big Deal in Kansas

Su­per­vi­sor, shout­ing to em­ploy­ee: Did you re­mem­ber your pe­nis?

Over­land Park, Kansas

Or She Goes In­to Spama­phy­lac­tic Shock

Woman #1, look­ing over cu­bi­cle: Rachel is go­ing to be an­gry that you are send­ing her so many emails.
Woman #2, turn­ing around: Who gives a fuck?
Woman #1: Se­ri­ous­ly, you bet­ter watch it. [looks around] She can’t take too many emails, she has to pace her­self.

Para­mus, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Not pac­ing my­self!

Spine Fu!

Man­ag­er: I should hire some­body know knows karate to stand on it… and jump around.

Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Cu­bi­cle War­rior

Daisy Flies Around the Of­fice Like a Rub­ber-Pow­ered Air­plane

Cowork­er, slam­ming down phone: Owww, my panties are in a twist!

Frances Ave
Lan­cast­er, Penn­syl­va­nia

That One Got Turned In­to a Pup­pet for My Son’s Play

Boss: Why don’t I just shove a sock down your throat to shut you up?
Sec­re­tary: Yeah that’s fine, just make sure it’s not the sock you stuff your pants with!

Com­pa­ny Of­fice
Fort Drum, New York

Is It Fri­day Al­ready?

Fe­male cube dweller to an­oth­er: I’ll grab your pair and you’ll grab my pair and we’ll slap each oth­er in the face with them.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: er­ak

Heav­en On­ly Knows What May Have Been Scratched

Cube dweller: You sono­fabitch, you’re get­ting a god­damn man­i­cure! If you don’t, I’m go­ing to rip your god­damn nails off, be­cause you don’t de­serve them!

Of­fice, So­ho
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Ner­vous Co-work­er