Archive for the ‘Alabama’ Category

… Im­po­tence, In­con­ti­nence, Flat­u­lence, Pri­apism…

Train­ing in­struc­tor: You should not up­grade the soft­ware right when a patch comes out. Some­times it may have bugs.
Stu­dent: So, it’s like when you take a drug, some­times it can have side ef­fects like—
Train­ing in­struc­tor: Yeah, but let’s keep the dis­cus­sion fo­cused on soft­ware.
Stu­dent: —Throw­ing up, vom­it­ing…
Train­ing in­struc­tor: Uh, yeah.

Madi­son, Al­aba­ma

Wait­er, I’ll Have the Couch Pota­to with a Side of Gullible

Caller: I just ar­rived at my lake house for the sum­mer, and the satel­lite TV is­n’t work­ing! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It’s sim­ple: we just need to re­set your re­ceiv­er since you’ve been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It’s easy, sir. Do you have a pota­to handy?
Caller: Um, let me see… [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in — stock­ing up.
CSR: Great, sir. An ap­ple would al­so work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that pota­to in half. Then I need you place one half of the pota­to face-down on top of your re­ceiv­er. Please make sure it’s dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I’m a pro­fes­sion­al. We’ll have your ser­vice back on in no time.
Caller: Okay… [Long pause] Al­right, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The pota­to will act up­on your re­ceiver’s mag­net­ic field and will bring the ser­vice back on­line mo­men­tar­i­ly. It’s a built-in se­cu­ri­ty fea­ture so that no one can use your dish while you’re away for most of the year.

CSR press­es ser­vice re­set but­ton, re­mote satel­lite trans­mits ‘wake up’ sig­nal to in­ac­tive re­ceiv­er, TV comes on.

Caller: That’s amaz­ing! Who’d have thought… a pota­to! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any prob­lems in the fu­ture, and thank you for us­ing this ser­vice.

Brad­ford Dri­ve
Huntsville, Al­aba­ma

What Kind of Flow­ers?

Black suit on cell: Lemme get this straight — she filed a re­strain­ing or­der against you and you’re still call­ing her and send­ing her flow­ers? That ain’t love, man. That’s… in­san­i­ty.

Mont­gomery, Al­aba­ma

Over­heard by: Kim