Archive for the ‘Accidents’ Category

He Got 500 Hours as Pun­ish­ment for Hav­ing Lisa Marie

Of­fice girl: My mom said she al­most wrecked her car the oth­er day be­cause she was watch­ing Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was pick­ing up trash in his jump­suit, right there on the side of the road.
Of­fice guy: Elvis was do­ing a lit­tle com­mu­ni­ty ser­vice, was he?

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Ca­reer Tip: Mas­ter the Mona Lisa Smile, Dear Read­er

Em­ploy­ee #1: So my car got hit in the park­ing lot yes­ter­day.
Clue­less em­ploy­ee: Yeah, I’ve got­ten banged a few times in the park­ing lot.
Em­ploy­ee #2, chok­ing on bagel: Cough, cough!
Clue­less em­ploy­ee: Wow, are you okay?
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, (coughs) I need to leave the room… fast.

Den­ver, Col­orado

Over­heard by: That’s what she said…

On This Plan­et, Jill Sued the Own­er Of the Hill Jack Fell Down

Old hen: My grand­daugh­ter wants to ride on a fire truck in the pa­rade, who should I call?
Fire dept. rep: We don’t do that any­more, be­cause of the li­a­bil­i­ty.
Old hen: What li­a­bil­i­ty?
Fire dept. rep: Some sil­ly kid will be jump­ing around all ex­cit­ed and fall off the truck and break their head, and then the par­ents will sue us for a zil­lion dol­lars.
Old hen: Well, not if it was the kid’s fault, they would­n’t.
Fire dept. rep: What car­toon plan­et are you from, ex­act­ly?

Ore­gon

Over­heard by: b‑mac