Le­gal re­cep­tion­ist: I would like to of­fer you the ben­e­fit of my new found wis­dom and ad­vise you on some­thing you should nev­er do.
Law clerk: What’s that?
Le­gal re­cep­tion­ist: Nev­er, af­ter you have de­cid­ed you are dis­sat­is­fied with the per­for­mance of your ex­fo­li­at­ing body cream and scrub­by sponge thingy, de­cide to re­place said scrub­by thingy with your pumice stone. I did this a week ago and my legs still look like I went wad­ing through a sea of an­gry cats yes­ter­day.
Law clerk: That is to­tal­ly some­thing I would do so ac­tu­al­ly, so thanks!
Le­gal re­cep­tion­ist: At least, don’t do it if you are plan­ing on wear­ing a skirt any­time in the next month. I’m pret­ty sure no one will be­lieve that it’s part of the pat­tern on your tights.

Lees­burg, Vir­ginia