Coworker, answering phone after ignoring it four times: Hello? (pause) Yeah, listen Dave, can this wait? I'm a little busy. (pause) Look, I'm just busy. (pause) Dave, I'm taking my after-lunch shit, leave me alone. (pause) No, I'll be back in like ten minutes. (pause) Yeah, ten minutes, I like to enjoy my after-lunch crap. (pause) No… no… Yes. (pause) Look, I'll be back soon, just hold tight. (pause) Dave, you're hands down the biggest pain in the ass ever. You're a bigger pain in the ass than this turd I'm trying to squeeze out of my butt as we speak. I'm going to hang up right now and when I'm done shitting, I'm going take a picture of this turd with my cell phone and everytime you call, this picture is going to show up on my screen.
Overheard by: dude in next stall over