Overheard In The Office

Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Caller: Good News! They Told Me It Was Okay!

Coworker on phone: I believe the court will look unfavorably at you getting arrested, yes… Well, yeah, obviously a misdemeanor would be better than a felony… I am not saying it’s okay. I’m saying that the court tends to sort of get pissed off at you when you get arrested at all, but it’s even worse when you get arrested for a felony-level offense. What do you mean, you’re not planning on getting caught? You’re asking me about what your chances would be of getting your kids back if you got arrested… I’m pretty sure that’s a felony. And no, I don’t think the court will be lenient with you if you say you hold the drugs to make money to get your kids back. Not the criminal court or our court… Um, that’s definitely a crime. Okay. Bye [hangs up]… How weird is it that I felt like there was nothing wrong with that conversation until after I got off the phone with her?

425 Shatto Place
Los Angeles, California

It’s a Lucky Drunk Who Has Not Just an Enabler, but a Cheerleader

Tourist woman: You know, honey, you should drink more. We’re at a high elevation. You don’t drink enough.
Visibly drunk tourist man: What are you talking about? I drink all the time! I drink a ton. I was just drinking… It’s just not water.

Old Faithful Village
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming

Overheard by: a ranger who is wondering why she works here

0 People Found This Advice Helpful

Boss: Is that Amazon?
Office manager, answering phone: No, it was recording.
Boss, interrupting again: Was it Amazon?
Office manger: No, it was a recording.
Boss: You sure?
Office manger: Yes. It was silent and beeped and started the recording.
Boss: I thought it was Amazon. [Phone rings again] Is that Amazon?
Office manger: Yes, I’m on hold.
Boss: Maybe you should talk to them.

Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Gotta Pray to Play

Female peon #1: It’s so hard to go out, never mind find a new guy. My ex and I both grew up in Randolph, so we know everyone. I can’t go anywhere without him or his friends being there.
Female peon #2: You should come to The Jug with me. I know plenty of guys your age.
Boss: You want to meet guys in a bar? You should get a nice guy from church.
Female peon #2: Are you suggesting that we work the church?

Avon, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Fae

I Can’t Compete with That!

Boss: No, trust me. The last thing you want to do is bring your spouse on a company Las Vegas trip. You’ll be divorced by the time you get home.
Salesman: Oh, really?
Boss: You know, because of all the drugs… and hookers.
Salesman: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

9633 South 48th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Whatever, Mom

Cashier: Hi! How are you doing?
Customer, sighing: I’m 83 years old, my kids don’t visit me and when they do their kids annoy the fuck out of me, I haven’t had sex in 20 years, and you’re out of my favorite ice cream.
Cashier: Look, lady, I didn’t really care — next time just freaking smile and say, ‘I’m fine, how are you?’ Now… Have a good day.
Customer: Thank you. See you tomorrow.

Piggly Wiggly
Farmville, North Carolina

Overheard by: MB

Drive-Thru Duty at the Bangalore Call Center Is Lonely Work

Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right.…
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone] 

Hanover, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Will