Worker #1: Ohmigod! I was typing a letter and I was typing really fast and instead of typing “tots” I typed “tits”!
Worker #2, underwhelmed: Really? That’s funny.
Worker #1: No, really!! I typed “tits,” like t‑i-t‑s, at least I think that’s how you spell it.
Jefferson City, Missouri
Trainee: This customer is mad because we won’t cover an accident that happened before he was insured with us. He won’t stop yelling!
Trainer: Ha! He’s gonna have to suck eggs on that one! Sucks for him. But seriously, go through the facts and dates with him and explain why we won’t cover it. Stay calm and apologize. You can do this!
Trainee, to customer: Thank you for holding. This… uh… Okay. My manager says you have to suck eggs, I’m sorry.
Riverview Parkway, San Diego
HR clerk: He got so excited and he crapped all over himself.
Receptionist, laughing: Did Jim [manager] do that again?
Hr clerk: Uh, no, I was talking about my new puppy.
Receptionist: Oh, forget what I just said. Please forget! I was supposed to forget.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
New coworker: I can create files on my network drive now, and my car isn’t on fire in the parking lot. This has been a good first day so far.
Ontario
Canadia
Receptionist on phone: He fell into some kind of sink hole, and when they pulled him out he had leeches all over his feet!
Palo Alto, California
Female worker, returning from bathroom: I peeked in the crack a little to see if it was occupied, and I accidentally saw vagina.
Male worker: Accidental vagina is why I failed my freshman year of college.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Office girl: My mom said she almost wrecked her car the other day because she was watching Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was picking up trash in his jumpsuit, right there on the side of the road.
Office guy: Elvis was doing a little community service, was he?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker: I got rear-ended over the weekend!
VP: In your car?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: twoferrets
News guy working on obits: I never thought I’d see the day when we’re out of dead people.
Traffic chick, during slow shift: Well, maybe someone will crash and solve both our problems!
Gainesville, Georgia
Cubicle dweller on phone: We’re all right, but our piano isn’t. It’s been through some stuff.
Chicago, Illinois
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist