Overheard in the Office

...Using Duct Tape

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 17:00:00 -0500

Cube monkey #1: Who would've linked Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger together?
Cube monkey #2: Kevin Bacon.

Las Vegas, Nevada

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | wtf?
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

Just Hold Still, Mr. Senator.

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:00:00 -0500

Cube rat #1: These nuts taste old.
Cube rat #2: What did you just say?
Cube rat #1: Nothing.

Detroit, Michigan

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

Eventually the Boss Will Come Back from Vacation and Find Her in His Office

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:00:00 -0500

Lady screaming on cell in cubicle: And then I told him, "we are gonna go with that one!"
I know, it's like there's seven of us and we can't decide which nursing home to put mom in!

Chattanooga, Tennessee

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

And the Workplace Dynamics Consultant Swore By It.

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:00:00 -0500

Coworker to another: The group sex didn't change anything.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

Amazing How Men Die Before Women Do

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:00:00 -0500

Female coworker #1: Yeah, I didn't come into work the other day because I was bleeding so bad, I mean I was in the bathroom every hour changing my pad.
Female coworker #2: I know, I bleed extremely heavily! I'm in there at least every 20 minutes.
Female coworker #1: At least I'm not like Patti*, she was bleeding like the Niagra Falls. When I'm bleeding all over myself, I just don't feel like working.

Cecil County, Maryland

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

Does That Come with Itching and Peeling?

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:00:00 -0500

Woman on bus: You've gotta be careful in life and not let your mishaps turn into haps!

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Evan

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

Too Late! Here's Your Gag.

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 11:00:00 -0500

Surveyor #1: Ray is top; I am bottom.
Surveyor #2: Uh...
Surveyor #1: Wait. that didn't come out right!

Rockville, Maryland

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

You Wanted the Beef a La Mode, Right?

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:00:00 -0500

Lady in large party: How can you remember all of this?
Waiter: The longer I stand here, the less I remember.

Restaurant
Placerville, California

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

So You Can Read It Aloud.

Mon, 08 Feb 2010 09:00:00 -0500

50-year-old female #1: Oh my god! You have to hear this! (reads entire e-mail aloud)
40 year-old female #2: Oh my god!
50-year-old female #1: I know!
40 year-old female #2: Oh my god!
50-year-old female #1: I'm forwarding it to you now.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: NoRest4TheWicked

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-08

Makes Me Want to Bust a Click-and-Move

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:00:00 -0500

Suit #1: Yo, you tried that new Office?
Suit #2: What?
Suit #1: That new Microsoft Office 2008, 2009 or whatever.
Suit #2: Yeah.
Suit #1: That shit is hot!

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: algernon

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-05

I'm So Glad We Can Talk Like This.

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:00:00 -0500

Executive in meeting: Oh, you brought cold water?
Assistant: Yes, ice water.
Executive: Very nice! Where'd you find ice?
Assistant: In the freezer.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Christine

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-05

Weirdest. Fortune Cookie. Ever.

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:00:00 -0500

Salesman: You can't beat a good piñata day.

Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: humanoid answering machine

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-05

I Suppose Urine Is a Definitive Answer.

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:00:00 -0500

Office manager to coworker's dog who followed him into the office: Do you like this deal?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: I talk to animals too

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-05

Hey, It Was Like That Before.

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 13:00:00 -0500

Lackey #1, holding paper trimmer: Hey, why don't you put your hand in here?
Lackey #2: Why would I want to put my hand anywhere your dick has been?

Western Australia

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-05

As My Resume States, under "Hobbies"

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:00:00 -0500

30-something man: I tend to use the word "fab" a lot.

San Francisco, California

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Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | wtf?
Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2010-02-05