Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

Why “Can I Help You With Anything?” Can Be a Dangerous Question.

Large effeminate guy with German accent: These are the metallic pencils you do not have! (waves crayola box at employee)
Employee: Okay… Sir?
German guy: Do you know vat I am making? A portrait of Al Pacino! To really capture his manliness! Once I did a picture in charcoal but my art teacher said to really get the effect, I vould haf to burn it! Joann's Fabrics
Los Angeles, California Overheard by: manybellsdown

I Never Should’ve Shown Grandma How to Use the Internet

Employee: Hi, can I help you? Customer’s cell rings. Customer: Hold on a sec… [answers cell] Hey! did you talk to Jeremy*? He is pissed at you… Why? ‘Cause you put gay shit all over his MySpace! There is a guy with a huge dick on his MySpace! Yeah! You better help him get it off ’cause he doesn’t know how! Okay, bye.
Employee: Uhhh…
Customer: Yeah, can I get a sundae, please? 1050 Montauk Highway
Copiague, New York Overheard by: i hate customers…

Latte Sleepers. Duh.

Old German woman: Do you have any coffee grinders?
Starbucks barista: No, we don't sell them here.
Old German woman: Do you know where I could find one?
Starbucks barista: Well, you could try another Starbucks, or Bed Bath & Beyond.
Old German woman: How illogical! Who would want to grind coffee in bed?! Long Island, New York Overheard by: it be beyond

Like, Did He Twirl His Mustache and Cackle?

Secretary to irate victim on the phone: Well, ma'am, perhaps it would help if you could remember the name of the prosecutor who handled your case…
Irate victim: Well… I don't remember his name, but I can tell you he was the meanest son of a bitch in that office!
Secretary, sighing: Ma'am, I'm afraid you're going to have to be much more specific than that. Virginia Overheard by: Nice Little Lemur Girl

NewsFlash: Woman Beaten to Death with Krullers. Ruled “Justifiable.”

Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Employee: $2.99.
Soccer mom: And how much is the medium?
Employee: $2.69.
Soccer mom: So which is the better value?
Employee: Huh?
Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What's the cost per ounce of each?
Next customer in line: Here's thirty cents, just give her a large.
Soccer mom: I'm not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh! Dunkin Donuts
Long Island, New York Overheard by: Heavy D